


we have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is

by andybrnards



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Dead Like Me, Anxiety Attacks, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 09:04:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5863060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andybrnards/pseuds/andybrnards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For some, death isn't the end.</p>
<p>Josh adjusts to being dead and his new responsibilities as a grim reaper. Tyler helps.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Dead Like Me AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	we have romantic fantasies about what dying truly is

Josh had a pretty typical life. Probably. He doesn’t know what a typical life consists of exactly, but he feels like dropping out of college to join a friend’s band seems pretty typical enough. He hadn’t even stayed long enough to declare a major (though he was pretty sure his family was gunning for something in medicine) but fuck was it boring.

They really should advertise college for what it really was. The exact same shit as high school except at the low, low cost of selling your soul to Satan and taking out too many loans that you’ll never be able to pay back. People think of college as a new start, exciting, a place to grow and learn and find your passion! But, God, was Josh bored. And, God, was Josh not interested in driving his ass to campus every day at 6 o’clock in the morning just to find parking for his 9 am class. And, fuck, did he not care about the clubs or his peers.

But he’d met Tim during Freshman Orientation and they had sort of become friends. Sort of? They both liked music. They both didn’t see the point of school. They’d both signed up for History of the Renascence as an elective. So, friends it was.

And, well, sometime before finals Tim’s great uncle (which was a thing apparently, but Josh didn’t really understand what that meant, not having the biggest of families) had kicked the bucket and left Tim a huge amount of money. He promptly dropped out of college, bought a guitar and a drum set, and invited Josh to live in his basement and join his new band.

Why the hell not?

There were several reasons why not (Josh didn’t have a job, his parents would probably murder him, and Tim definitely wasn’t talented enough for this to take off), but he did it anyway. Josh quietly dropped out of school and, over a matter of a few weeks, slowly managed to move his stuff out of his parent’s house and into Tim’s basement before they could figure out what was going on and tell him to stop.

He would later come to regret this.

Not because dropping out of college prevented him from reaching his goals. Not because moving away from home at 20 with no job and no money was a terrible idea. Not because Tim was talentless and this band was hopeless. Not because Josh would have had much more success joining a band fronted by several deaf chimpanzees. But, because if he hadn’t done it, he probably wouldn’t have died.

His death didn’t happen right away. He was lulled into a false sense of security with his bandmates. They would practice and drink and smoke and fuck around and life was good. Josh was a broke bum mooching off Tim’s dead grandfather’s money and he was having the time of his life.

It was when they decided to play battle of the bands that it happened.

Colin had signed them up, said it was time for them to premier their talents. They had absolutely no talents but they were all mostly wasted and all mostly thought it was a great idea. They had no songs of their own yet (absolutely none of them could write very well) but they’d gotten pretty good at playing several covers of Creed songs.

Creed.

Josh would be embarrassed if he had anyone to impress.

So, there they were, in the local area college’s auditorium, psyching themselves up for their first show in front of the unsuspecting public (nobody suspects Creed).

Josh was nervous. Sort of. Kind of. It was his first time drumming in front of people other than his band and his parents. But thankfully nobody knew him here. Probably.

“Dun? J.W. Dun?” A voice rang out, clear and curious.

Josh whipped his head toward the voice, a bright girl about his age, peeking into the back of the stage where the bands were getting ready.

“Uh, yeah?” Josh stepped towards her. His band was going on any moment now, so he really hoped this wasn’t important.

The girl walked toward him, and just looked him up and down. She flashed a small smile, and repeated his name, “J. Dun?”

“Uh. Yeah. Josh Dun. And…uh…you are?” he shifted his weight on his feet anxiously.

She just shook her head, reached for him, and gently ran a hand down his arm.

“Hurry along Josh Dun, you don’t want to be late.”

And with that, she took off, leaving Josh alone and confused.

Well, not too confused. It was fucking weird, but he just shook it off. He didn’t have time to dwell on what weird shit just happened because it was time for him to get to the stage. It was his bands turn, and he was ready to run that shit.

The audience was mostly people his age, some high schoolers, and everyone generally looked pretty bored. Creed was definitely not going to cure the boredom. But they could win 500 bucks if they sort of mildly entertain them. (Creed was not entertaining in the least but, Christ, who the hell knows what could happen).

Josh took his seat and began playing after they were introduced. He gave it his all, because why wouldn’t he.

The crowd was bored, because why wouldn’t they be. And someone had started booing them. Tim kept singing and as long as he was singing, Josh kept playing.

But then someone decided to throw something on stage.

And the next thing Josh knew, he was standing in the audience, watching people swarming the stage and screaming in horror.

“Uh.”

“What…What’s happening?” Josh kept trying to ask the people closest to him, but it seemed as if nobody could hear him. Or see him.

What was going on? What was everyone looking at? Screaming over? Was he fucking invisible or what?

Josh saw a sudden spurt of blood spray into the audience and he almost gagged. Almost.

“Hey, dead guy.”

“Uh…huh?” Josh turned his head and cocked it slightly. A girl was walking toward him, red hair and bright eyes.

“What’s…going on?” Josh asked, gesturing towards the stage in confusion. “How…why aren’t I on stage…anymore?”

“Oh, honey.” The girl said, her brows furrowing, “You’re dead.”

At that second, someone decided to run straight through Josh to get to the stage. A Paramedic. He had felt the man run through him, like an electric current going through his body, like a shock. He felt like air; intangible and weightless.

Josh felt like he was going to vomit.

Oh fuck, was he a ghost?

Could ghosts vomit?

She reached a hand out towards him, holding him steady. Which was lucky, because he was pretty sure he was going to collapse. Or faint and fall through the floor. End up pulling some X-Men Kitty Pryde shit.

“Okay. So. Hold on,” He blinked a few times, and then took a deep breath, “I’m dead.” He said with finality in his voice.

“Dead as shit, man. Some kid sent a bottle flying at the stage at the exact moment your hand holding your drumstick was about…eye level it looks like.” She was standing on her tip toes, peeking over the crowd and at Josh’s body. “Straight through your eye and into your brain. Blood everywhere. Really gross.”

“…sick.” Josh mumbled, “Oh fuck, if I’m dead then…. Are you like…are you an angel?”

The girl laughed. “No. God no. Do Angels even exist? I certainly don’t know if they do. Think of it this way. If they do exist, angels are higher up than me. We’re like…bottom rung. Angels are the middlemen, honestly. God would be the one who gives the angels a list, the angels give me the names, and we do the dirty work.”

“Uh...what?”

“It’s a lot to explain, kid. But I’m a grim reaper, I guess. It’s the best term for what I do. I’m Hayley, you’ll meet the others later today. Probably. Maybe tomorrow.”

“What do you mean? Are you like, here to take me to heaven or something?” Or hell, Josh thought.

“Nah, kid. You’re a lucky one, it seems like. Ashley hit her quota with you.”

Josh squinted his eyes in concentration, trying to make sense of anything that was being said, “Can you just…explain? For like 5 seconds, just…what are you talking about?”

“Ok. So, remember that girl? The one that came looking for you backstage? Asking for a J.W.Dun? That was Ashley. She popped your soul out before you got all nice and fucked up. You were her last soul. She’s been allowed to move on. Probably saw herself some nice lights and took the last leap. But you? You’re being welcomed with fucking open arms to join us as a reaper.”

“Uh…”

 

 

They had to wait for Josh to be buried before it could be official. Before he would officially be able to reap the souls of humans. Swear to fucking God, he kept thinking this was all an elaborate hallucination but apparently not.

Hayley let him hang around in her apartment while he waited, but it was a quick affair. Which was good for Josh because Hayley really liked to watch soap operas and get really into them. Josh did not.

Josh saw his family cry and talk about how goddamn disappointed they were of him. How he’d dropped out of college and gotten himself killed. Because apparently he could have somehow prevented that from happening by staying in college, but okay mom, whatever. (Thinking about it, he probably could have. But, too late now, honestly.)

He was buried and it was awkward.

People cried and it was awkward.

When Josh was a teenager he’d been like most others. Fantasies of dying and leaving this shithole life, imagining going to sleep forever and ever. But here he was. Fucking dead (hadn’t slept in days), watching his casket being lowered into the ground and what the fuck honestly?

The day after his burial Hayley had decided it was time for him to meet the rest of the reapers. There were five of them, in charge of deaths by External Influence. Suicides, Murder, Accidents, and etc.

There were groups of reapers in every city, every town, every place in the goddamn world all assigned to their own particular type of death.

Josh was honestly thankful he wasn’t assigned to natural causes, because, God he couldn’t imagine working in nursing homes and being around so many old people and shit. Gross. He’d never be able to get the smell of formaldehyde out of his clothes.

The group of reapers met at Denny’s. Every morning, in the same booth, at the same time. Hayley handed out the charges for the day. Right there. In the middle of Denny’s. Christ.

When he was alive and skipping classes to grab a quick breakfast, these fuckers were just booths over, getting ready to take their part in the cycle of life and death. Fuck.

Hayley slid into a booth the morning after his funeral, with Josh following right behind her.

“Alright, kids. This is Josh. Death by drumstick. Be good.”

The man sitting across from Hayley snorted with laughter, “Sorry. Yeah. Just. What a way to go man.”

The girl beside him rolled her eyes, “Nice to meet you, Josh. I’m Lynn. Ignore Brendon, he’s a fucking idiot. Please, Hayley, give me my reap assignment so I can go to work. Can’t be late again.”

“Yeah, yeah, hold on.”

“Work?” Josh sputtered, interrupting whatever Hayley had planned to say.

“Uh, yeah. Did you think this was a paying gig? Man that’d be the life, reap a couple souls and cash in at the end of the week. But nope, gotta get a job if you wanna eat,” Brendon said between mouthfuls of pancakes.

“But I thought people couldn’t...see me?”

“That was before. You’re a reaper now. Now people look at you instead of through you, and if you’re lucky they don’t see someone butt-ugly. And Lynn, you know I need someone to show the new guy the ropes. I was hoping he could follow you around.”

“No.” Lynn reached across the table and grabbed a post-it note. “No. Just. No, not after I had to show Brendon around. I’m not doing that again.” She turned to Josh and shrugged, “No offence, but I’d rather go to work than end up in jail again.”

Josh raised an eyebrow at Brendon who smirked behind his dish.

“I can’t give him to Brendon…”

“Hey! Why not? I’m personally extremely offended. You have absolutely no faith in me or my abilities.”

“I’ll take him,” a soft voice said. A small, soft man took Lynn’s place at the table as she disappeared for work.

Hayley looked from Brendon to the newcomer before sighing, “Yeah. Alright.”

She eyed the post it notes in front of her before sliding one over to the newcomer, “This one’s not far. Take the kid and go.”

“Will do. C’mon, kid.”

The man stood up and walked towards the door, stopping to let Josh get up and catch up to him.

“Got a name? I’m Tyler.”

“Joshua.”

“Jishwa?”

“No. Joshua. Josh.”

“Alright Jish.”

And out they went.

 

 

“Welcome to un-death, man,” Tyler announced, walking them down the block, “You’ll find it’s a lot like life.”

Tyler had a soft sleepy look to him, like he’d just woke up, or maybe he was still sleeping. His hair was soft and fluffy bed-head, like he didn’t even try. He looked warm and hazy eyed and he was quick to quirk his mouth into a lazy half-grin when he caught Josh looking.

“So…uh. Where are we going?” Josh asked, still not entirely sure of this whole situation. He was going to watch this guy kill someone? And take their soul? And then what?

Tyler pulled the post it note out of his jacket pocket and flashed it towards Josh.

“Greene and Primrose, that’d be the pharmacy. V. Hicks. E.T.D. 7:36 a.m,” Tyler announced from memory. “Not much farther.”

“I know that pharmacy… E.T.D?”

“Estimated Time of Death.”

“Oh. Ew. We’re going to be early, then?”

“Of course. Death is always on time, gotta make sure to be there to help it along. Scope out the reap of the day, look for any signs of danger, obvious things, you know.”

Josh didn’t know.

They spent most of the walk to the pharmacy in silence, with Josh trying to figure out exactly what was happening. He was still somewhat convinced this was all an elaborate prank maybe. Somehow. Or a hallucination still. Or fucking aliens who the fuck knows.

When they got there, the first signs of danger seemed pretty fucking obvious to Josh. Looking upward at the roof of the building, it seems a few workers were repairing some damage done to it from one of the last few storms. So, obviously, someone will probably fall and die. Seems pretty easy.

Tyler sat on a bench across the road from the pharmacy and patted the area beside him for Josh to sit down.

“It’s one of the guys on the roof, right?” Josh asked, nodding upwards at them as he sat beside Tyler.

“Well,” Tyler said slowly, “Maybe. But you don’t know that. It could be anyone. Death is everywhere, Jish.”

“Ok, yeah. I got that. But don’t you think there’s a significantly higher chance of death being up on that roof. Or at least directly below it.”

Tyler laughed, a small sharp sudden laugh that took Josh by surprise.

He checked his watch and shook his head, “Still got some time. Could be anyone.”

“The only people close enough to the pharmacy are us and the guys on the roof.”

“There’s still time left.”

And there was still time left. And death was everywhere. Josh could see it now. Josh could see the drivers in the cars not paying attention and the people crossing roads without looking. Josh could see a scattering of nails and broken glass on a sidewalk, just feet from where young kids were running around. Josh could hear the creaking of the tree branches above them, threatening to break in the wind, threatening to fall and crush anyone below.

After a while, Josh couldn’t tell how long, it seemed like time dragged on forever these days, Tyler checked his watch again, and looked up at the roof of the pharmacy unblinking.

“You’re probably right. Beginner’s luck, honestly. A reap like this, too predictable,” Tyler pushed himself off of the bench, rolling his eyes, and Josh quickly followed after.

“Where, uh, where are you going?” Josh asked, eyes darting between Tyler and the men on the roof.

“Excuse me! Lookin’ for a Hicks? A V. Hicks?” Tyler called up to the roof, his voice cracking slightly.

“Vic,” one of the men called to another, and a guy took off his orange hard-hat and looked down at them, “Who’s askin’?”

“Oh! Just need you to sign something. If you could come down…” Tyler’s voice trailed off as he saw the man give a tight frown, “Or, hang on!”

And Josh watched the soft little man locate the bright orange ladder and clamber up to the top of the roof. From down below, Josh could swear Tyler seemed to perk up being on the roof. He was grinning, all crooked teeth and rosy cheeked. He was like a squirrel that had finally found the perfect tree.

Josh watched Tyler pretend to look for something, shrug, and pat the guy’s shoulder gently. To anyone else, it looked like an apology for bothering him at work, but Josh knew what he was doing. He was taking that man’s soul.

When Tyler climbed back down, he and Josh stood a little ways off, watching the men at work.

“That’s it?”

“What did you think I was going to do, push him off?”

“Haha,” Yes. “No…now what?”

“We wait.”

“Why?”

That’s when the commotion started. That’s when Vic Hicks was crushed to death when a tree branch fell from overhead, straight onto him and down through the pharmacy.

“He’s why,” Tyler jutted a thumb towards Hicks, who was now standing beside them, looking dazed.

“What…did I just die?” Hicks looked up at the pharmacy roof, scowling, “I knew that branch was barely just hanging in there.”

“Yeah, man. You’re dead. Now come with us. You’re gonna see some real nice lights soon.”

“Nice lights?”

It was merely a matter of minutes; just minutes of walking down the road with the soul of V. Hicks when Josh saw it.

A brilliant chorus of lights arranged in the shape of a house. Bright and beautiful, making the plain looking house thousands of times more immaculate than it should have. It was flickering, just ahead of them. Almost hazy, like Josh shouldn’t be looking right at it.

“And that’s for you, Vic.”

Josh and Tyler watched the man walk into the house made of lights, and then the whole thing disappeared into the sky.

“Woah. What was that?”

“Heaven, maybe? We aren’t allowed to go. Not until we finish. It’s what being a reaper is. Helping people move on, while we stay here.”

“Seems a little unfair.”

“Mmm.”

 

 

They met back up with Hayley, still seated in Denny’s, her face buried in a notebook and a small stack of post-it notes.

“Kid did great,” Tyler said quietly, sliding into the booth, “Didn’t even squirm while watching the guy get crushed.”

“Great.” Hayley looked up at Josh, “Welcome to the team, kid. You’ll get started tomorrow. Have you figured out a place to stay? Talked to the dead guy?”

“Ah…”

“He can stay with me, I’ve got room. A clean couch. A knack for not getting arrested.”

“Good, easier that way. Trying to figure out what Hicks’ living situation after he’d already moved on would have been too difficult. And, no offense to the kid, but I like living alone.”

“I’m not a kid,” Josh piped up, “You barely look older than me. We’re probably the same age.”

Hayley snorted with laughter, “Just because I died young doesn’t mean I died yesterday, kid.”

Josh raised an eyebrow, how long had these people been doing this? Christ, how long does that mean he’s going to be doing this?

 

 

“The person who, uh, reaped me…How long had she been doing this,” Josh asked, standing in front of the mirror in Tyler’s apartment, staring at himself. He looked the same. Except he was dead.

“Ashley? I wanna say she died around 1970? Around there, maybe a bit earlier. So, uh, 40 years, give or take.” Tyler was laying in his bed, eyes open, staring up at the ceiling and yawning, “Why?”

“I’m trying to visualize spending more time on earth dead than I did alive. Spending more time taking people’s souls than I did in school. It’s a little fucked up.”

“A little. But it won’t be all reaping. Maybe meet some friends or get some lovers. Watch them die and move on while you’re still here. It’ll be a great time. You’ll get a job too.”

Josh blanched, and ignored the more worrying parts of that statement, “Do you have a job?”

Tyler grinned, “Gotta pay the rent somehow. I teach music.”

“Oh. I was in a band.”

“I know.”

 

 

Tyler was laying on his back, sleeping with his mouth wide open, and snoring something fierce. And Josh was in Tyler’s space, scrolling through craigslist.

He needed to find a job. And craigslist, generally, had jobs. Sometimes. At least jobs of his skill set. Which was approximately nothing. No skills. Zip. Zilch. Nada. He’ll find something that would make use of his 0 skills eventually. Maybe.

He couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t slept since he died. Some bullshit that was. He’d laid there, quiet and wrapped up in blankets. But sleep refused to come. And his eyes were sore and his head hurt and he at least needed to do something useful. Like find a job.

Or maybe die a second time, if it would help him not have to deal with this.

He was cold, but it wasn’t a real kind of cold, afflicted by temperature. It was the kind of cold that comes from being dead. He felt like his body wasn’t real, wasn’t his. He was dead and cold and he would have to do this, be here, for the foreseeable future. Be here, without his friends, without his band, without his family. Be here, with no life skills, no money, no future. He was dead.

He was dead.

Fuck.

Josh took in a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.

He was dead and he’d done nothing with his life. He was dead and now the only thing he had to look forward to is sleeping on another dead guy’s couch, being surrounded by dead people and soon-to-be dead people, and getting a minimum wage job to help pay for things that didn’t even matter.

Because he was dead.

Holy fuck, he was pretty sure he was going to start crying, he was going to break Tyler’s computer with his tears. He was going to flood the thing –

“Hey, Josh?”

“Huh?” Josh looked up, sucking in a breath and holding back his tears.

Tyler rolled over slightly and patted at the empty space beside him, “The first few nights are rough. Come here.”

So Josh did.

And Tyler threw his arm around Josh, wrapping both of them up in his blankets.

“It’s okay. To be upset. Not everyone wants to die. I’d say most people actively try to postpone death as long as possible. And, it’s weird. For us to still be here after our deaths. To have to encounter everything we’ll never be able to do or never be able to have. To be reminded of all of the things we lost every day. But it’s okay.”

His voice was soft and sure, whispering these things to Josh, pressed close against him, and Josh felt like he could believe him.

“There’s a purpose to this. We’re here to help everyone else. We help, and when we’ve helped that last person, we’ll be free. It’s a long road. But, it’ll be okay.”

Josh sucked in another deep breath, and the tears were already rolling down his cheeks.

“I didn’t want to die.”

“I know.”

 

 

Josh didn’t sleep. But it was nice, to lay there in silence, listening to Tyler’s steady breathing. When Tyler’s alarm went off, he was still completely wrapped around Josh. Josh’s pillow was soaked with tears and he could taste salt around his lips.

He didn’t want to die. But here he was, and he’d be fucked if he didn’t try to make the best of it.

 

 

It takes a week before Josh gets asked to reap.

He spends the majority of his first week as a reaper following around Tyler, or laying on Tyler’s couch; applying to jobs and watching TV. Josh swears he watched more TV in that week period than he’d ever done in his entire life.

Some nights he still crawled into Tyler’s bed, crying and unable to sleep. He was restless and exhausted. And Tyler wraps his small soft arms around Josh and it’s nice. It’s comforting. To feel like he wasn’t alone. Like he wasn’t dead.

He felt like he could barely move, but he managed to do it. Follow Tyler to Denny’s, follow Tyler to his reap, let Tyler drop him back off at the apartment, and sit there. Repeat ad nauseam.

He felt like he was living in some kind of fucked up time vortex.

It’s a Sunday when they end up walking into Denny’s at 7, the rest of them already there and eating.

Hayley grinned and handed out the post it notes for the day as Tyler ordered something for him and Josh (“Let me front you until you get a job” “I…ok…thanks”).

“Ready for your first soul, kid? I think you’ve had enough time acclimating.” Hayley pressed his post it into is hand and Josh felt like his heart was going to stop (again).

“Alright. Everyone’s set. Check your locations and E.T.D’s before you get too comfortable,” Hayley said between bites of her sandwich.

“You, uh, you forgot me. Mine. Where’s mine?” Brendon asked, his voice somewhere between annoyed and relieved.

Tyler waved his post-it in front of Brendon’s face, “Judging by how far I’m going, I’m guessing you’re on babysitting duty.”

“What? Nooooo,” Brendon whined, “You keep saying I’m irresponsible! Why have I suddenly gotten responsible?”

“I don’t make the rules, I just hand out the post-its. You’re babysitting the kid. Gotta make sure his first reap goes well.”

Josh licked his lips and anxiously began spinning his nose ring, he really did not want to think about his first reap. Not yet.

And he absolutely did not want to be around Brendon. Well, technically that wasn’t true. Nobody seemed to want to be around Brendon for very long. He had a reputation for doing unsavory things and ending up in jail, and it made Josh nervous. Although, if he was being honest what’s the worst that could happen? He’s already fucking dead. Jail wouldn’t kill him again.

Brendon checked his watch and groaned, “You know, I happen to have a life outside of this whole…being dead thing.”

Hayley eyed Brendon from behind her notebook, “Mmmmhm. You’re dead and this is your job. Your little facsimile of life that you’ve created can wait.”

Brendon groaned again and took Josh’s wrist in his hand, twisting it slightly to check out his post it note.

“Let me at least eat first, we have enough time for that, yeah?”

Hayley gave a curt nod before turning her attention to her meal.

 

 

“So, uh, why do I need a babysitter?”

Josh and Brendon were walking down a particularly long and empty stretch of road to get to T. Longo, 1364 Memorial Highway (ETD 10:45). Brendon swinging his arms obnoxiously, and Josh kind of wishing he was dead…dead-er.

Brendon snorted, “Sometimes we get kids that think they can….ignore the responsibilities of fucking ripping out souls.”

“And…..uh, that’s bad?” Josh asked. “Like…we get punished for not doing this?”

“It’s a community service, yeah? If we don’t help these people, they never move on. Their souls stay trapped in their bodies. Which, is super fucked up especially if they get cremated. That happened once…poor fucker. Besides, if we don’t do it, the fuckers in charge like to mess with our lives.”

“You mean God?”

“Sure. If that’s what you want to think’s out there. If that’s who you wanna think is in charge. Whoever they are, they will fucking ruin you if you mess up.”

“You know, if that’s how you talk about God you probably aren’t going to be moving on anytime soon.”

Brendon rolled his eyes, “And I’m fine with that. I’m having a gay old fucking time being an immortal grim reaper.”

“Well, you aren’t technically immortal if you’re already dead.”

“Christ, kid. If I can’t die again, I’m immortal. And guess what? I’m immortal. So….whatever.”

After a beat of silence, Brendon muttered angrily, “We could at least get paid.”

 

 

Upon reaching the house, Brendon gestured wildly at the front door, “Time to prove you won’t fuck up.”

“Uh…what…what do I do?” Josh asked, nibbling his nip anxiously, shifting his gaze rapidly between the door and Brendon.

“Are you serious? Kid, seriously? You’ve been watching Tyler for how long? And you still haven’t figured it out?” Brendon grabbed Josh by the collar and pulled him to the front door before knocking on it.

“Too busy looking at Tyler’s ass to pay attention, right?” Brendon whispered with his mouth clenched shut, as someone came to the door.

When the door opened up, Brendon put on a big smile. Grinning ear to ear and positively glowing, like the goddamn sun. “Hello, we’re looking for T. Longo? We’re conducting a survey. It won’t be very long.”

The boy at the door looked up at Brendon, “Uh. You mean Trinity? I can go get her.”

He disappeared back inside the house and Brendon turned to Josh smugly and nudged him closer to the door, “That’s how it’s done.”

When the door opened once more, Josh felt like the wind was suddenly knocked out of him. His head was reeling and he couldn’t breathe.

A girl looked up at them. Young, round cheeked and bright eyed and a shy smile. Josh was never good at placing ages, but fuck if she didn’t look older than 14. Fuck, if she didn’t look like Josh’s kid sister.

“Hey, Trinity? Trinity Longo?” Brendon was fussing with his hair, his smile had wavered slightly.

“Yes? You’re here about a survey? I’m sorry if this is about all those websites I signed up for. I just needed an easy way to make money. It’s mom’s birthday next week and I really wanted to get her a gift, I didn’t realize I would have to fill out so many surveys...They kept asking for our address, so I just kept putting it in,” she said this all very quickly, looking up at them anxiously. Nervous that she would be in trouble just for trying to buy a gift. Fuck.

Brendon eyed Josh and nodded slightly before turning back to the girl, “Yeah… You know you shouldn’t do that. It’s gonna end up giving your family a bunch of junk mail. Probably a few weird phone calls too. But I’ll see if we can put in a good word and get some money added to your amazon account. Sorry for bothering you.”

Josh brushed a hand gently across her shoulder as she went back inside her house. He could feel her soul tingling against his fingertips.

The door closed and Brendon and Josh walked a little aways from the house before looking back at it.

“What do you think’s gonna happen to her?”

“Nah. Don’t think about it. Thinking about it will fuck you up. And not in the good way. Just… just wait.”

And they did.

 

 

The rest of the day wasn’t particularly interesting. Or great. And Josh couldn’t focus on anything but the young girl he killed earlier.

Ok, he didn’t kill her.

Not really.

But he let her die. There was nothing he could do to stop it. He let her die. She was so small and so young and Josh felt like puking. She could have been his sister. That could have been his sister. He could have been asked to take his own sister’s soul, and he would have had to do it.

And this is what he’s supposed to do until God decides he can move on? Fuck. Fuck.

Josh spent his time at the strip mall, walking from store to store, submitting applications under his new identity – Jim. Jim was a college dropout, with no friends and a family living states over. So, they had a few things in common. And it wasn’t too farfetched that Josh would forget his cover. Probably.

Hayley had gotten him all new documents, securing him in this new life. Josh Dun was dead. And now Jim has to find a shitty retail job so that the dead Josh Dun can pay his rent, feed himself, and buy a car.

This was fucked up. So many levels of fucked up. Beyond any amount of fucked up-ness that Josh could have ever imagined before.

 

 

Josh had made his way back to Tyler’s apartment and collapsed on the couch.

He was so tired. Exhausted.

Nobody tells you that being dead caused insomnia, but here he was. Fucking dead and dead tired, but not sleeping. Wide awake. On a dead guy’s couch.

Josh wanted to punch every single fucking poet that had described death as the great sleep. He wished he was sleeping as much as they had made it seem like he would be.

Josh groaned loudly and pulled a pillow over his head, before screaming into it.

“You know, as fun as that looks, there are other things to do around here.”

Josh pulled the pillow off his face, blushing slightly.

“Sorry,” he murmured, feeling like an absolute idiot.

“Nah,” Tyler shrugged, “It’s a lot to get used to. But it helps to have something to take your mind off of it.”

“Like a job?” Josh wondered if this was some snide way to get Josh to hurry up and pay him back.

Tyler chuckled softly, “Well. Yeah. But there’s more to death than work. I know that’s all it sounds like we do. Work as a reaper and then work as a human, but there’s always more.”

“Like?”

“Brendon does the club scene. He’s, like, really into it. Hayley writes. Lynn…I’m not actually sure what Lynn does. She likes her privacy. I think she dances. Ashley used to smoke a lot of pot. Don’t think she’ll be doing that anymore, wherever she’s moved on to. What a shame.”

“Ha. What about you?”

“I write.  I like to relive the horrors of the past. I like to find the beauty in things. The beauty that exists in everything and outside of all of us.”

“Kinda cheesy dude. Are you serious or are you trying to woo me?”

“A little of both,” Tyler grinned, “Is it working?”

“Maybe.”

“Let me show you something.”

 

 

The something turned out to be getting Josh up the highest building in town and hanging out on the roof, Josh’s feet dangling off the edge.

“Beautiful, huh?”

The sky was clear and blue and beautiful. Josh felt like he was close enough to reach up and grab a cloud in his hand.

“You do this often?” Josh asked, jutting his head out toward the open sky.

Tyler just chuckled, “Not really. Once…ah,” he hesitated for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip, before deciding to go for it,

“The first time I came up here was on the day I died. They’d just built this thing, you know? So I snuck my way up. Figured this was a good a spot as any. I came back again right after I’d died. And then, a few months later when I realized I was being given a second chance. Looking at the sky again, to see everything up here, alive and thriving down below. To see life being lived.”

Tyler was perched on the edge of the building, like a gargoyle. Stoic and overseeing. He stared out across the city, his eyes bright. Tyler watched the clouds move by, the cars moving down below, and Josh watched Tyler instead.

“You know if we fall, nothing will happen? It won’t even hurt. The most it will do is annoy you for a bit while all your organs and bones get themselves back into alignment. You’ll scare the shit out of whoever sees. But you won’t even feel it.”

“A little morbid. What if you land on someone?”

Tyler gave a half-cocked grin, “Well hopefully we don’t end up with any post it notes for this area.”

“Sick.”

They sat like that for some time, in silence, watching.

Thinking.

Josh mulled over Tyler’s words. He wanted to know, wanted to be sure of what he had meant. But, he didn’t at the same time. Tyler was his rock right now, and he didn’t want anything to ruin that. He’d ask some day. Maybe.

 

 

Josh stayed on the couch that night.

Sleep didn’t come. It never came. If he wasn’t already dead, he was pretty sure his body would have given out by now. His soul would be ascending (or descending, honestly).

He lay on that couch all night, listening to the soft snores of Tyler in the room over.

He needed to get a job. Needed to reap souls. And then what? For the next 60 years, this could be his life. No escape and no point to any of this.

He pulled the blanket over his face and lay there, gritting his teeth and trying to ignore his own mind. This was it. This was it, this was it, this was it. And he needs to get over it.

Josh was pretty sure he was on the verge of a panic attack, which makes absolutely no goddamn sense because he’s dead he died he’s dead –

The blanket was lifted off of his head, and Josh could see Tyler above him, shirtless and sleepy with wild bed-head, “Let’s go for a run.”

 

 

It’s not like Josh was going to fall asleep anyway, so they went.

Nothing better than to avoid having a panic attack by going for a run at nearly 4am.

Josh had no idea how Tyler had gone from passed out and snoring to standing above Josh so quickly. How he had woken up and instantly slipped on a pair of sneakers to go for a run. How he had known what Josh needed.

They ran through the neighborhood, side by side, as the sun slowly rose. Tyler was still shirtless, in just a pair of shorts and sneakers, looking as tired as ever.

It felt good. To run beside him. To watch the sun and hear the sounds of the morning. To see Tyler turn to him and grin, to make sure he was still there.

 

 

Josh’s first reap without supervision was an “S. J. White” at the train station at the edge of town at the fucking crack of dawn.

He was bleary eyed and anxious and it was too early to be standing at the edge of the terminal, too close to the yellow lines, a post it note in his shaking hands.

He’d officially been a reaper for over a month. Officially taken the souls of multiple people, watched their deaths, and then gone back to Tyler’s apartment to stress over it. But this was his first time alone. His first time standing there without Tyler or Brendon or even Lynn. His first time checking his watch anxiously, re-checking the time on the post-it, and making sure he was here in the right spot, early and ready and waiting.

T-minus 10 minutes until the ETD and Josh still had no idea who S. J. White is or where they were, but hopefully they’d be showing up soon. Er, well not hopefully. But… he has a job to do and things to get done.

Josh shifted his weight between his feet, eyeing every incoming person making their way to the terminal. He was hoping for a sign before he’d have to stand up and make some phony announcement. Maybe a passing conversation or –

A woman walked past Josh, a head full of thick tight curls, and a suitcase trailing behind her. The suitcase labeled with S. White in flowery white font.

Thank fuck.

Josh walked towards Ms. White, casually brushing a shaking hand across her shoulders, the feeling of her soul tingling underneath his fingertips.

He stopped, watching her walk off. He didn’t want to watch her death. He didn’t want to be on his own and see this girl die. See her die alone and scared. He didn’t want this. But this was his job. This was his responsibility.

Josh watched her slip and fall onto the tracks, and he had to turn his head. He knew what was coming. But, he wasn’t ready to see it yet. Not that.

He heard the crunch and the screams and extended his hand toward the dead girl in front of him.

“I’m sorry, I’m going to take you somewhere nice though, I promise.”

 

 

Josh (Jim, really) had started a job at Guitar Center in the strip mall near Tyler’s apartment. It didn’t pay much, didn’t require much thinking, and didn’t make Josh feel like his soul was being beaten by a big fucking baseball bat. So, overall. Not a bad job.

He’d get there early some days, after a particularly brutal reap, and release his tensions on a set of drums in the back. He missed playing, and it felt good to be dead and still be able to play. His purpose might have changed from being in a shitty garage band to collecting the souls of the dead, but it’s still and always will be his favorite thing.

Some reaps leave him feeling hollow and empty, and there was nothing like playing the drums as loud and angrily as possible to finally start to feel something again.

Josh was finally able to start paying Tyler back with the money from this job. He wouldn’t be able to work here forever – might be a little weird if anyone notices he hasn’t been aging, but for now, he was happy. He could be around his favorite things and feel useful again. He could pay rent and start bringing home enough savings to get himself a drum kit for the apartment.

Things were (mostly) looking up.

 

 

Early morning reaps had become a habit for Hayley to assign to Josh. It only made sense, since he’d been having constant difficulties sleeping. If he was up, he might as well get the early reaps. They were usually brutal and he was always early. He would never let anyone get stuck. This was his job, his service, and it was his job to make sure people have a smooth transition from life to death.

But still, Josh was exhausted. After a bloody early reap, and a full day of retail work, he was ready to collapse. He was still worn out from his early morning reap. He wanted to crawl into his bed and die. Except he didn’t have his own bed and he was already dead. So. That plan went right out the window.

Tyler was sitting on the couch watching television, spooning cereal into his mouth when Josh walked in. Josh immediately kicked off his shoes and crawled into Tyler’s lap.

“I quit,” Josh groaned into Tyler’s shoulder.

Tyler shrugged, his mouth full of cereal, “It’s a community service we’ve been drafted into. No quitting allowed. You’ve got to find purpose in it.”

“You are just too…” Josh mumbled, his voice trailed off before he sighed, “I know. I know.”

Tyler was big on finding purpose and finding a place and Josh still wasn’t sure of his. He’d been a loser, then he died, and now he was still a loser except he could take people’s souls and help them move on to the afterlife. Was that his purpose or was that just a job he was being forced into? What was his purpose? What was he here for?

“It’s okay, Josh. To not know why you’re still here,” Tyler said quietly, putting down his empty bowl and running a hand through the fluff of Josh’s hair. “I’ve been here 20 years. Hayley’s been here on the verge of 70. You’ve got plenty of time to figure it out and get used to it. And you aren’t alone.”

“Thanks, babyboy,” Josh mumbled, his voice muffled by Tyler’s shoulder.

Tyler pressed a kiss on Josh’s head, “Let’s go out with Bren tonight. It might do you good to relax a little. Get out of the apartment.”

 

 

Josh didn’t really know how to describe or explain the situation between himself and Tyler. They weren’t dating. Not exactly. Could you even date someone while dead? While knowing they could move on at any time? They just kind of fell into it. And, well. It was just. It was nice.

It was nice to have company. Nice to have a bed to lay in and arms to hold him. Nice to have someone who’s been through it this all too. Nice to not be alone. Nice to have a warm body pressed against his.

Josh wouldn’t consider anything that they did anything outside of the realm of a really close friendship. After dying and having to essentially be reborn as a grim reaper, Tyler was probably the closest friend he’s ever going to make ever again. And that was fine. Because Josh could picture himself with his arms wrapped around Tyler’s lithe body forever.

One incredible plus side to having Tyler practically glued to him, was that it was nice to have someone to go out with when Brendon invites him to the club, too. Josh wasn’t one for accompanying Brendon alone. Not that Brendon wasn’t a decent person – he was decent enough. But, that Brendon liked to get incredibly fucked up and leave Josh to fend for himself.

Brendon typically gets the late night reaps, because that’s when he’s out. He rolls out of bed late in the afternoon at wherever he happened to be squatting that day, does his reap, gets some food, and heads to the club. When he meets them at Denny’s, it’s not unusual for him to be high off his ass and just having left the club, running on no sleep and absolutely ravenous. He doesn’t seem to have a job, and there’s some talk amongst the reapers that he’s been involved in something a bit unsavory for the past 20 years. Josh would rather not know.

Brendon met up with them at Tyler’s apartment, grinning from ear to ear. He was well dressed, as always. A simple shirt and pants combo with his hair coiffed up, looking like he’d just spent the past hour working on it, as opposed to reaping the victim of a car crash. Which is what he had been doing. At first, Josh maybe wouldn’t have understood how he could put on such a happy face after witnessing something so brutal, but he thinks he’s slowly starting to get it.

There’s more to their afterlives than death.

“Didn’t think I’d ever get you to come out with me, man.” Brendon said, nodding his head toward Tyler, “I’ve even brought Hayley and Lynn to The Stable a few times. Do you even have any idea how many chicks Lynn can pick up in one night? For someone so hard-assed it’s incredible.”

“Never had anyone to dance with before,” Tyler offered, flashing a crooked grin at Josh.

Brendon rolled his eyes, “You are absolutely disgustingly cheesy. Thanks for making me witness this, I love it, really. Every day I have to see you fawn over the kid is another day subtracted from my life. If I could die again to escape this, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

The Stable was like any other gay club, Josh supposed. Not that he was ever the type to go to a club, gay or otherwise. He preferred to do his drinking and hooking up in his best friend’s basement. He was not the club type.

But, underneath the flashing lights and amidst the sweating bodies, Josh sees Tyler’s face and thinks he could be. The music was various remixes of songs he pretended to not listen to when he was alive, and the room was thick with people, the air hot and heavy. Tyler’s eyes never straying from Josh’s face, laughing every time Brendon would grind up against him (way too hard). His cheeks were red, his eyes sleepy and drooping, but his mouth never wavered from a toothy grin.

Josh thinks if he was alive, he’d be falling a little bit more in love right now.

But he’s not alive. And he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. To fall in love while dead.

Brendon brought the two closer to him, sandwiching himself between them, grinding his ass against Tyler’s crotch and latching his mouth onto Josh’s neck. He ran a hand through Josh’s hair, and seemed to be extremely intent on leaving a huge hickey on Josh’s neck.

Tyler’s eyes stayed locked on Josh’s, his grin quickly changing to a smirk, and then even quicker to a small scowl.

Brendon pulled away from Josh’s neck and furrowed his eyebrows, “You guys could at least pretend to pay attention to me, you know? Fuck, you guys.”

He slipped some money into Josh’s hand and whispered, “Drinks are on me. Loosen up. Both of you. Get laid or something. Christ,” before heading deeper into the throng of dancing people.

Josh flashed the money he’d been given at Tyler, “Let’s get something to drink.”

 

 

Josh felt good. It had been a while since he’d had something to drink. The night of his death.

It had been even longer since he let himself get thoroughly smashed, and fuck, did it feel nice to stop caring. It felt good to hold Tyler up against him, swaying to the beat, drink in hand and a dumb smile on his face.

Tyler was…loose. Relaxed and languid, his breath reeking of tequila, he’d kiss Josh in the corner of his mouth before giggling to himself.

They’d been there for a while, and had lost track of Brendon forever ago. In all honesty, Josh was kind of exhausted.

“Let’s head home, yeah?” Josh leaned close to Tyler, his lips brushing against his ear.

“Mmm. Kay, Jishwa.”

He grabbed Josh’s hand and let Josh lead him through the crowd.

They ran into Brendon halfway out the door. His eyes were wide and bloodshot and his face completely blissful. He had two people grinding up against him; a shorter guy with a faux-hawk was up against his ass and ethereal looking beautiful woman, who absolutely glowed underneath the lights, had him by the front.

Brendon spotted the guys heading out and raised an arm, giving a halfhearted wave, “Have fun, kids.”

Well, he sure seemed to be having a great time. Josh wasn’t sure anything they did could compare to that.

Outside of the club, they were hit by a sudden burst of cold air, and it made Josh feel like dying all over again.

They had to walk back to the apartment, Josh and Tyler having to support each other now and then. Josh’s head would feel like a blur and his brain was waterlogged and Tyler would giggle, let Josh lean against him, and they’d walk together, their feet moving together in time.

When they got back to the apartment, Tyler almost immediately began fingering the mark on Josh’s neck.

“Not fair, y’know?” Tyler mumbled, his hand running down Josh’s neck and making him shiver, “’s not fair. Been sleepin’ in my bed since you got here, and you let Bren do that? ‘s not right.”

“Well, I mean,” Josh slurred slightly, trying to get them onto the couch with difficulties, as Tyler was basically clinging to his side, “It’s not like I knew that was going to happen. Or like, asked him to do it.”

Tyler scowled, “Not the point. You’re _my_ friend. You’re my…whatever. You’re...” He looked frustrated, like he couldn’t find the right words or the right way to say what he meant.

“You’re infuriating Joshua Dun,” Tyler mumbled, placing his head in the crook of Josh’s neck, his lips gently rubbing against the skin before opening his mouth and placing it directly over the mark Brendon had left.

 

 

The thing is that Josh liked Tyler. He was a big dumb moron who really, really, really liked the guy who’d been letting him crash in his bed since he fucking kicked the bucket. But, they were dead.

They were dead and Tyler had left a huge hickey on his neck that he can’t even cover up at work. They were dead and Tyler smelled like bubblegum and tasted like honey. They were dead and Tyler had the softest hands Josh has ever felt.

They were dead and Josh felt like his world was imploding.

 

 

He slept in late the day after. He wasn’t hungover or anything, but Tyler’s gentle pushes and whispers that it was time to get his reap assignment made Josh want to not move ever again. When Tyler left, Josh pulled the pillow over his head and screamed.

He was good at that.

It was around noon when he resigned himself to the fact that he had a job to do. Two jobs to do. Or at least Joshua Dun had one job and Jim had the other. But, still. Two jobs, one body.

When he finally rolled his way into Denny’s, Hayley was still sitting at their usual booth, a cup of coffee sitting in front of her untouched, her face buried in her notebook.

“A little late, kid. You’re lucky you’ve got a late reap today,” She said, looking up and handing him his post it note for the day.

“Ok. Yeah. Sorry. I’m just having a crisis,” Josh said, sitting down and sighing.

“A crisis. Really? What could be so terrible that it overshadows the fact that you are already deceased and not much else would generally be classified as a crisis by anyone else?”

“Is there a point to, like, doing anything besides helping people move on? Like, we could stop existing at a moment’s notice. What’s the point of, like, grouping together and making friends?” Josh said everything in a quick breath, like he needed to let it out before his lungs exploded.

“Your afterlife is what you make of it, kid. You choose what’s important to you and what’s worth sticking around for. They can’t force you to move on. It happens when you’re ready. You aren’t just going to disappear,” Hayley took a sip of her cold coffee before adding, “And neither is Tyler.”

Josh shrugged helplessly, “That’s not, uh, what I’m worried about. I just, you know, don’t want to….you know.”

Hayley rolled her eyes, “I’ve been around for a while. It’s normal to get bored, get lonely, get horny. You can take one of the living home for the night, but you can’t keep them around forever. They’ll notice how death is always following you. They’ll age. They’ll die. They’ll probably move on, leaving you to reap without them. But, with one of our own, there’s nothing to lose. No aging. No death. Just the impeding thought of moving on that will only come when you are ready. When you decide you’re ready. When the people upstairs decide you’re ready.”

They sat in silence for a bit, while Josh digested what she’d said. His head hurt and his throat was sore and he felt like his heart was thumping straight through his chest.

“I liked Ashley,” she said quietly, “Loved her, I guess. But it was her time. I’ve been here forever, but one day, I’ll move on and hopefully be greeted by everyone I ever loved. We’ve got nothing but time to enjoy and nothing but people waiting for us on the other side. It’ll be okay, Josh.”

 

 

Josh’s reap was later than usual, lucky for everyone involved. After his shift at Guitar Center, he promptly headed to the library. “A. Kinney” had an appointment with death and Josh would be early. He’d gotten used to it. Slowly, but surely, he’d gotten used to this. Gotten used to the brutality of the life he now led. Gotten used to seeing death every waking moment of his life.

Kinney was murdered among a stack of nonfiction books, his blood soaking through a few biographies that he had dropped. He was young, with freckles and braces and thick round glasses perched on his nose.

Josh led him toward the lights. Bright and beautiful and arranged to resemble hallways of stacks and stacks of books. The boy let go of Josh’s hand and ran into the lights, smiling a bigger smile than Josh had ever seen on the living.

This might not have been what he thought he’d be doing, when he was a kid, dreaming of growing up and getting a job. But, there was something nice about seeing the smile on people’s faces when their paradise calls to them. Josh could make this his new purpose. He loved it when they smiled.

Josh watched as the lights faded away, the boy departing with it.

He needed to get home to Tyler.

 

 

“Ok, so. Listen,” Josh started the second he walked through the door, “This thing,” he gestured violently between himself and Tyler, who was sitting on the couch, his work notebook in hand.

“This thing between us. It’s nice. You know? But. Like. Okay. I like you.”

Tyler raised an eyebrow, “I think that was pretty obvious considering you let me suck on your face, but okay. Go on.”

Josh flushed, “No. Like. It’s one thing, the cuddling and the kissing and it’s nice, yeah? But it’s a whole other thing…wanting more. Wanting to be like,” he gestured between them again, and crossed his fingers.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to fall in love and lose you.”

Tyler stood up, and for half a second Josh was worried he was going to get punched or thrown out, but all Tyler did was walk towards Josh and pull him into a hug.

“Everyone loses someone in the end,” Tyler whispered.

 

 

They end up back atop the building Tyler had brought Josh to once before. It’s calming, to just be able to relax so close to the sky and the stars. Tyler looked more relaxed, at least.

“It’s not like one of us will just disappear. We’ll know when it’s our last one. We’ll have time. Besides, you just got here, and I don’t think I’m leaving anytime soon,” Tyler turned to grin at Josh, his soft fluffy hair swaying in the wind.

There was a beat of silence. Tyler sat staring out at the city, and Josh sat, looking down towards the road and wondering where he’d hit the ground.

“Do you regret it,” Josh asked quietly, averting his eyes, staring straight into the sky and not at Tyler.

“I don’t know.  Everything happens for a reason. Maybe this is my repentance. Maybe I was supposed to end up here; supposed to meet you. I did what I did for a reason. And I’m here for a reason.”

Josh smiled, “You are still so incredibly cheesy.”

“Mmm. I’m pretty sure this was how I got you to fall in love with me, yes?”

“Maybe. C’mere.” Josh pulled Tyler away from the edge of the building and into his lap, kissing him. Not for the first time, but this time it felt different. Like an agreement between the two of them. Like the start of something new.

 

 

Tyler was right. They had all the time in the world together. They had more time than most people, and Josh would make the best of it.

Maybe it wasn’t so bad. Being dead.


End file.
